The rollercoaster of good and bad MAP weeks

I’m on the rebound this week after a rough negative Beta last week.  Our most recent FET was a particularly challenging cycle for me.  It corresponded with the start of a busy year at work and the arrival of my new supervisor.  I have a job where I have fixed appointments throughout the day at various locations across the city, so it’s difficult for me to schedule appointments with my RE during the day.  I love my job, but there are definitely times I wish I had an office job, where I could duck out for appointments without having to reschedule my whole day.  For this past FET I didn’t feel comfortable talking to someone I had just meet about such a personal subject, which meant the whole cycle was an extremely stressful juggling act.  When we got the negative Beta, I decided that I couldn’t handle another cycle with the added stress of having to negotiate every appointment time with my RE’s secretary, having to scarf down lunch as I ran to my RE’s office, and the constant fear that my RE would be running behind (1 to 2 hours is typical for her) for appointments I had scheduled on my tight 30-minute lunch break.  So after the negative Beta, many tears and the encouragement of my husband, I resolved to talk to my new supervisor.  Even though my most recent cycle was far more stressful than it should have been, it did gave me the extra time I needed to get to know my supervisor a bit better and helped confirm the fact that I needed to talk to her.  And I’m so thankful I managed to muster of the courage to finally do it this week.  I left her office feeling a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  I left her office feeling blessed, which is not a feeling I experienced often on this journey.  I honestly couldn’t have hoped for a better reaction, both empathetic and professional, and a better way to start this new cycle.

This will be our fourth FET.  My baseline ultrasound last Monday was clear and my RE gave me the go-ahead to start the estrogen patches.  The next step will be an ultrasound and endometrial biopsy next Friday.  I’m not exactly sure what tests my RE is going to run for the biopsy because she is never very forthcoming with details and I didn’t have the energy to prod her for the information during my last visit.  She did say the actual physical procedure sometimes helps with implantation, which I’ve read in various places online as well.  So for the time being I’m in one of the many IVF waiting phases, drinking lots of hot herbal teas, hoping that my endometrial lining thickens up better and more quickly than during my last cycles, and trying, trying, trying to stay positive.

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