I definitely inherited my Dad’s British tea drinking genes. I love all kinds of teas, but have been focusing on the herbal ones since IVF. One of my favorite tea brands is Yogi Tea. I like the flavors and have a soft spot for their tea tag “inspirations” (as cheesy as some of them may be). I had a cup of the Calming tea just before heading to the clinic from my embryo transfer this past Wednesday and eagerly flipped the tag over to read my pre-transfer “inspiration”. To my surprise my inspiration for the day was not calming at all, but rather pissed me off:
“The path is the destination”
I think I actually said something along the lines of “you’ve got to be #($*#)% kidding me”. For the record, I don’t usually talk to teabags; I’m going to go ahead and blame that one on all of the hormones. In my head I was screaming, “this #*#@% path littered with syringes, medications, and speculums is not my idea of a #&$%&$ destination. Holding a babbling baby in my arms is more of what I’d had in mind”.
Thinking about my reaction makes me laugh a little now that the stress of transfer day is over. It’s amazing how something as insignificant as a teabag can set off emotions during this exhausting and draining journey.
But I have to admit that the teabag has a point when taken in the larger context of life. This journey towards a babbling baby is proving to be much, much longer and more difficult than we ever anticipated. The two year Birthday of one of my closest friend’s son this month is a painful reminder of just how long. We started trying at the same time and she got pregnant the first month. I’m hoping this journey will end sooner than later, but I know there is no guarantee. Which means that I probably need to pay more attention to this Yogi inspiration…figure out how to focus not only on this fertility battle…figure out how to live outside of its shadow. This is definitely easier said than done. Most of the time I feel like everything I do has to be planned in function of my IVF cycles and since they are not always predictable, we end up just not planning and not doing so many of the things from our pre-IVF lives. I don’t have a good solution for how to get around this, but I know that I need figure something out because this path is long and there is no way to know what direction it will take us in. But in place of an answer tonight, I think I’ll just go curl up with a nice comforting cup of tea ;-).