Hoping for a holiday miracle

We had our 5th FET last Friday of our last little blastocyst from IVF ICSI #1.  I’m trying to stay hopeful, but am also feeling like there aren’t a whole lot of reasons why this cycle will work when the previous 5 didn’t.  Especially since my lining was still a bit on the thin side (6.5mm).  The biologist did add a little plus to transfer day by telling us that at our clinic there is a statistically higher pregnancy rate for the last FET of a fresh cycle.  The transfer itself went okay, but my RE was running an hour late and like always she remembered very little about our previous transfers, grrrrrr.  After the transfer I scheduled a follow up just in case WTF appointment before the holidays because my RE’s schedule fills up quickly and I didn’t want to have to potentially deal with both a failed cycle and no plan of action.  I’m glad I made the appointment, but was surprised at how bad it made me feel.  I was flooded with a combination of guilt and sadness about anticipating a failed cycle.

Apart from an argument my husband and I had the day after the transfer, which I’m still feeling frustrated about, the wait is going fairly well and I’m managing to stay relatively sane.  I made myself a little paper ring countdown to Beta calendar, like I did for Christmas when I was little.  And this weekend I’m really looking forward getting and decorating our Christmas tree.  We’re celebrating Christmas with my in-laws at our place this year and are then heading to the Alps with them for a few days of winter activities (skiing and indulging in big pots of melted cheese and bottles of wine if I’m not pregnant or snowshoeing and hot apple cider if I am).  It feels good to have a little something to look forward to, no mater what the number is on Monday.

Beta countdown ringsBeta paper ring countdown calendar

6 thoughts on “Hoping for a holiday miracle

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