And the wait begins…again

I had my FET today and I’m feeling extremely frustrated. Instead of having a wonderfully blissful and zen post-transfer afternoon like back in April after my last transfer, I have felt low and worried. Unlike all of my past seven transfers, we were not able to make out the bright streak of post-transfer hope, less elegantly known as the air and fluid surrounding the embryo, which marks the embryo’s placement in the uterus. My RE said the transfer went well, but wasn’t able to point out the embryo shooting star of hope on the screen capture she had taken and I didn’t react quickly enough before she dashed on to her next transfer to let her know that it would reassure me to be able to see it. I think my anxiety was also fueled by the fact that after my endometrial scratch last month, the doctor who performed it said it was extremely important to be very careful with my embryo transfers and placement because my cervix and uterine alignment are difficult to negotiate. It makes me feel really frustrated that a small detail, which is hopefully insignificant, has had such a major impact on my mindset as I head into the long and dreaded pre-Beta wait. I asked my husband if he thought I was crazy for getting stuck on such a small detail. He kindly said that he didn’t think I was crazy and that he understood how trying all of these treatments are on my body and mind. I had been feeling positive all week, despite a pesky cold, and had heaps of positive energy and hope this morning before the transfer. We have made major changes to our protocol and I really felt that this could finally be our time. I know there are still plenty of reasons to keep hoping, but I’m just so frustrated to have lost what should have been a blissful sunny afternoon with my embryo to a worry that could have been easily put at bay.

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8 thoughts on “And the wait begins…again

  1. I’m sorry you’re worried – I think when things are stressful, we (as a species) pay a lot of attention to small details and routines, to feel some sense of control or at least to be able to cope better – so I totally understand your worries. I’m crossing my fingers for you extra hard!

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    • Thank you Megan! Your words of wisdom definitely ring true to me and helped me take a step back from the frustration yesterday. I think feeling like I have so little control over this whole process pushes me to latch on to the details and norms. By bedtime last night I had managed to take a big step back and this morning I woke up on a much better and brighter side of the bed. I am so happy to read that things are moving forward for you and am sending positive thoughts your way for a smooth transfer next week.

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  2. I’m a bit sad to hear you worried when you were so positive in your last post. But I am really convinced by now that our mood does not affect the results. Don’t worry too much about it. All the positive things you listed are still there and I hope all will end up going well. Crossing fingers for you!! xx

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