I’m feeling tired and unable to produce much quality writing at the moment. Our beta on Tuesday was negative yet again. The pain and emptiness of this journey are particularly poignant right now, but the years of unsuccessful cycles behind us have taught me that life will go on and that we will find the energy to keep plodding down this rocky path. I’ve been reflecting a fair bit recently on our journey to parenthood. I was surprised to discover that I don’t or maybe no longer harbor strong feelings of resentment nor regret for the road thus far traveled. While the journey has been long and trying, it has brought my husband and me closer together, has encouraged us to develop more constructive ways of communicating, has helped me put things in perspective, and has honed my capacity for empathy. That being said, I’m not sure how long my ability to view this process as constructive will persevere. I did say to my husband the other day that I feel like I’ve done enough learning and am ready to move on to learning through parenthood. Unfortunately, this is not my decision to make and I need to be able live and invest myself in the present while life’s intricacies play themselves out. We have one wee blastocyst waiting for us and will probably attempt another FET in December with a delayed transfer (P+7) as per the recommendations of the biopsy results. Until then, I’ll be here trying to live life and enjoy the little pleasures along the way. I know there will be good days, bad days, and in-between days, but that will be true for the rest of my life regardless of the outcome of our journey to parenthood.