Nesting

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I decorated our front door in anticipation of our little embryo’s arrival in my uterus.

Our transfer on Tuesday of our little embryo Pajarito (baby bird in Spanish) went smoothly. I am grateful for the uncomplicated transfer, but a bit saddened that it lacked the touch of magic and warmth that I so yearn for.  I went for a quick scan the afternoon before our transfer.  During the scan, my RE pointed to an area of my uterus and pronounced the ominous word adenomyosis.  I wasn’t able to formulate the questions that might have helped put my mind at ease and she offered no explanations nor reassurance, just that one word.  On all of my previous ultrasounds my uterus has looked perfect.  I feel heartbroken that the month I’m finally able to welcome our little Pajarito to my uterus, this anomaly has clouded the confidence I worked so hard to gain.  I feel like my world had been turned upside down, and that the reassurance of my plan Bs has been swept away by this one word so casually pronounced.  I am trying so hard to be supportive to our little Pajarito and to visualized her gently implanting into one of the areas of my endometrium that is beautiful and health.  My husband is amazingly supportive and keeps telling me he has hope for two.  I too am holding on to hope, but the peacefulness of this wait is more difficult to foster.  I decided not to work during the whole wait this time, something I have never allowed myself to do in the past.  I slept most of the day on Tuesday and yesterday, which surprised me.  I think it was my body’s way of reminding me that this process takes so much out of me and just how important it is for me to take time to nurture my body as well as my mind.  I am trying to pull myself away for that ominous word from Monday’s appointment and nurture positivity. For the first time I have decided to give our little embryo a name. I’m hoping our little Pajarito is nestling down. I have been finding great comfort in music recently and found a little Irish ballad called “My Singing Bird” to play to Pajarito on my cello. Your mama and papa love you very much little Pajarito.

 

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